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THE EULOGY
Writing
and delivering a eulogy is a noble gesture that is worthy of thought
and effort. It is an opportunity to make a contribution to a memorial
service a contribution that your friends and family will remember for a
long time.
Writing in general a eulogy, a tribute, a letter, or keeping a
journal presents another equally valuable opportunity for you. The
ability to use the writing process as a therapeutic tool to help you
deal with your grief. The power of writing is undeniable and there is
no better time than now for you to discover and take advantage of this.
What A Eulogy Should Accomplish
There are two common misconceptions about the purposes of a eulogy.
Some people think: 1) it should be an objective summation of the
deceased's life; or 2) it should speak for everyone who is present at
the memorial service. Both of these assumptions are unrealistic.
A eulogy is much more simple. It should convey the feelings and
experiences of the person giving the eulogy. The most touching and
meaningful eulogies are written from a subjective point of view and
from the heart. So don't feel compelled to write your loved one's life
story. Instead, tell your story.
Clearly, the burden of the eulogy does not have to be yours
completely. If you have the time, ask friends or relatives for their
recollections and stories. In a eulogy, it is perfectly acceptable to
say, for example, "I was talking to Uncle Lenny about Ron; he reminded
me of the time Ron came to our Thanksgiving dinner with half of his
face clean-shaven and the other half bearded. It was Ron's funny way of
showing that he had mixed feelings about shaving off his beard."
Honesty is very important. In most cases, there will be a lot of
positive qualities to talk about. Once in a while, however, there is
someone with more negative traits than positive qualities. If that is
the case, remember, you don't have to say everything. Just be honest
about the positive qualities and everyone will appreciate the eulogy.
Remember, you do not have to write a perfect eulogy. Whatever you
write and deliver will be appreciated by the people at the funeral. If
you are inclined to be a perfectionist, lower your expectations and
just do what you can, given the short time frame for preparation and
your emotional state.
Tips For Delivering A Eulogy
If you decide to write a eulogy and deliver it, realize that it may
be the most difficult speech you will ever make; and it may be the most
rewarding. It is important to realize that people are not going to
judge you. They will be very supportive. No matter what happens, it
will be okay. If you break down in the middle of your speech, everyone
will understand. Take a moment to compose your self, and then continue.
There is no reason to be embarrassed. Remember, giving a eulogy is a
noble gesture that people will appreciate and admire.
If you can, make the eulogy easy to read. On a computer, print out
the eulogy in a large type size. If you are using a typewriter, put
extra carriage returns between the lines. If you are writing it by
hand, print the final version in large letters and give the words room
to breath by writing on every second or third line.
Before the service, consider getting a small cup of water. Keep it
with you during the service. When you go to the podium to deliver the
eulogy, take the water with you in case you need it. Sipping water
before you start and during the speech, if needed-will help relax you.
If you are nervous before delivering the eulogy, breath deeply and tell
yourself that everything will be fine. It will be. Look around at your
relatives and friends and realize that they are with you 100 percent.
Realize that it is acceptable to read the eulogy without making eye
contact with the audience, if that would be easier for you. Take your
time. Do the best you can. No one expects you to have the delivery of a
great orator or the stage presence of an actor. Just be you.
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